black women

While I am NO expert on dating, I’ve done it a lot. Date that is. I have read countless Cosmo and Essence articles on how to snag Mr. Right, watched many a drama unfold on Maury and Court TV, listened to many in salon horror stories and most recently I read Steve Harvey’s Act Like a Lady Think Like a Man. I feel like the more experience I get the more knowledge I accumulate on the subject. Although I can’t speak for all women, I am going to share this work in progress based on my experiences and the above mentioned. These points are subject to change, expand, and/or be removed. There are rules when you want to date a brown girl like me:

  1. Be a man. (Must cover the basics, then we can get to the juice.)
  2. Don’t approach me with “Shawty/Shorty” (depends on your region), “Ma”, or “Bay”, or “How bout them digits” Again, it’s early in the list and these tips aren’t for everybody, and I am just getting started. First impressions are everything. If it’s a classy yet down to earth woman that you are looking for- approach her that way.
  3. Don’t be afraid to use your words and articulate (expressing oneself readily, clearly, or effectively). Don’t use so much slang and colloquialisms that we cant follow what your saying or asking
  4. Don’t approach us if you are married. “Separated” is still married! Ask your wife, I think she will agree.
  5. If you live with a woman who is not a blood relative- that’s going to be a problem. We don’t know or care for you enough yet to deal with anything extra.
  6. Don’t lie to me.
  7. Don’t be a pushover.
  8. Be a Strong negotiator.
  9. Nurture our relationship.
  10. Make sure we have fun.
  11. Communicate well and clearly.
  12. Must love God. Really this should have been #1.
  13. Know that if you meet my mother, you are my man. So if you don’t want to be, then don’t ask to meet her.
  14. If you are interested then ask me out. I am old school, and enjoy being pursued by a man. The man for me, will appreciate my Southern upbringing.
  15. I am not a last minute time filler. My time is important, so dates should be planned in advance and well thought out. Of course, this will vary once we are in a committed relationship.
  16. Always open my door. As my man, my buddy, or any man. Please. Thank you.
  17. On a first date, I don’t expect to go half. Do you want to be my buddy or my man.
  18. When we start to discuss last relationships and exes, please don’t refer to them as anything other than their names, because they weren’t those names when you all were &$#@&^#*%$@&%$!!0 (fill in the blank!)
  19. If I can’t go to your house, then you can’t come to mine.
  20. Respect me. Respect our relationship. Respect the decisions we make. Respect US.

    Facebook Comments

    • Ayanna

      Like, like, I Like!!

    • DAYUM that’s like a list for a scavenger hunt 😉

    • Shareese Smith

      Im loving this…

    • browngirlnextd


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    • browngirlnextd

      LOL! Thanks… I think its pretty simple…

    • Amen! You know exactly what you want! Anything else is a waste of time and energy!

      Oh! And you had me cracking up with “Shawty” “Ma” “Bay”! Da’yum! Any man that approaches YOU – and I’ve met you – like that! LMAO – NEXT! Come on son! Can’t you see this is a grown ass WOMAN? Grow-up! SMH!

    • browngirlnextd

      Exactly! I don’t get shawty that much anymore,… but please keep it moving! Been grown a long time! LOL

    • I love the rules!!

    • Nadine

      I agree with all of them!!!! On point for me!

    • Selandra Wright

      Excellent!!!! Nuff said!!

    • browngirlnextd

      LOL!.. To the point!

    • Nicole Yvette

      Very well spoken!

    • browngirlnextd

      Thank you!

    • Sweet and straight to the point! Preach!

    • browngirlnextd

      Yep… No chaser needed! LOL

    • Courtney Brown

      Very good reading. Its good to know that ladies, like yourself, still appreciates when a man approach respectfully. When I was in the dating scene (married now) sometimes a felt a little out of place when I would ask, “Excuse me, may I talk with you for a minute?” or when I was in a club and asked, “May I have this dance with you?” Believe it or not, but after those questions, I sometimes got strange looks from the ladies. One lady actually told me that my approach was “old school”….WOW.

    • browngirlnextd

      WOW! First thank you. Its good to know that some men want to approach women in a respectful manner.

    • Lil Momma

      That was well said. I havent been approached like that in a while and I sure would love that grown man approach because I don,t have time for all that street slang etc. That,s a straight turn off!!!

    • browngirlnextd


    • JHAJ

      Kinda demanding! Girl, you trying to land a man or give launch code instructions for a nuclear attack; which is exactly what you’re anticipating by being so defensive. Bruhs like myself LOVE God (#1) but hate rules (especially yours)—except the God one. Ya gotta let a man fill his way through initially b/c chances are he hasn’t had the positive relationship training that you already expect him to have. It’s like being mad at apple seeds because they’re not apples yet. Plant, nuture, & cultivate. This is how you brothers will succeed in date a “browngirl” or any color from the rainbow.

      Holla Back Shorty! Just joking.

    • browngirlnextd

      That makes a ton of sense… But I don’t think that it’s impossible to want a man to already know how to approach a woman… Not a little girl, you know! But that was funny..

    • JJ

      It is a long list but you know what – it isn’t ridiculous in the least!!! Learn it , men! You get what you give so give QUALITY.

    • browngirlnextd

      Thanks JJ!!!! My point exactly! Quality.

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    • shalonda

      wow. loved it

    • Love this!!!!

    • browngirlnextd

      Thank you girly!!!

    • I definitely agree to ALL of the above. Funny yet so true!

    • This was great!! Some folks may look at this and say we’re asking for too much but these are simple yet not so common things. Treat us the way you want your mother, sister or daughter to be treated and everybody will be happy. 🙂

      (SN: I don’t know how I found your blog but I’m glad I did. Love it already!)

    • browngirlnextd

      Exactly Margee! I didn’t think any of the rules were far fetched! And I am glad you stumbled upon my blog as well! Come back! XOXO

    • Ayana

      Hey Miss Browngirl,

      I am LOVING THOSE RULES and high on my list of pet peeves, is being called shawty, shorty, etc. Gets on my last nerves! Great blog. I met you at the Frankski’s grand opening for media as you taped my friend and I, KeithKnows outside on the patio area for your blog. Keep up the great work! Love the site. Peace & Blessings to you!


    • browngirlnextd

      Yesssss, I remember!!! Thanks lady!! Oh and as for the rules.. I had a few more, but I thought I should stop while I was ahead. So glad Im not alone though. XOXO

    • It took me a long time to make sure that men started applying those rules. If only young girls knew to follow them from the get go they’d save themselves a lot of trouble!